Bumper Edition

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Wow! A Golf!

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Indeed:

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Her mother must be so proud:

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Bumper sticker (the only one on the car): HAIRY FRONT BUM

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Rear window sticker: “If you get any closer you’ll have to marry me.”

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I love this – has such a Canberra feel. From the uniquely individual The RiotACT:

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Licence plate: RUNSONRUM

Thanks to Lindy for this one:

Her comment, “What a muppet” pretty much sums it up, I reckon.

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The last few months have provided some unsafe driving moments for me, trying to capture these bits of Bumper Edition goodness:

[This was particularly risky because, if you look closely (and unbeknown to me at the time), the driver was in the car when I took the photo in the shopping centre. A second after my flash, he started the car and drove away.]

A band, apparently, but I also discovered you can download the font, if you’re so inclined. By the way, the map of Australia says ‘Love it or leave it.’ Whatever.

This next one’s my favourite, although the words are unclear from the photo. On the left hand window panel is an outline of Great Britain, and inside are the words, “We fucked off cos it was full”. It’s a nice twist on the horrid Aussie version, because the ‘full’ doesn’t allude so directly to racism, but rather seems a statement of exceeded capacity – which, if you’ve been to the UK, often appears the case!

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Window decal: TITS OUT FOR THE BOYS

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Window decal: PATIENCE, GRASSHOPPER

And, although not technically qualified for this page, this is included because it’s in keeping with the spirit (if indeed there is any, good or otherwise) of this page:

Thank you, hilarious xkcd.com site (via Lindy). There are in fact a few things to say here: first, the obvious, that a couple without kids may indeed have more money than a similar couple with three kids; second, wouldn’t it be great to see someone brave and funny enough to really have that on their car; because third, where I live I see many examples of what I think is the most recent version of the family vehicle as an extension of middle class identity, bogan or otherwise. Without going into a thesis on postmodern expressions of cultural identity in 21st century Australia, I think you get where I’m coming from.

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Licence plates:

GST SUX

ALWAYSL8

Bumper sticker on 4WD: “You might go faster, but I can go everywhere”

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A trio of licence plates for your enjoyment:

IMPLSSV

QIKENUF

YWLDNTYA

Why indeed.

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I wish I’d had me some of this about 10 years ago, would’ve saved some reproductive hurdles:

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“You can say you’re Peter, say you’re Paul.
Don’t put me up on your bedroom wall [that’s what car rear windows are for]
Call me the King of the Mountain.”
[apologies to Midnight Oil].

A Brockmobile with various RIP 05 messages (including the side window which I couldn’t snap):

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An excellent example of what’s been described to me as ‘the bogan font’:

Even!!!

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Licence plate:  BEE ORTCH  [Where you from, love? What’s your accent?]

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Licence plate: RWETHRYT [Yes, but it took a while]

Window decal on the back window of an Econovan: I’M ON THE BONES OF MY ASS!

[What does that MEAN?! I mean, I know what it means, but why pay someone to stick those words on the back of your car. Judging by the exclamation mark, do you need congratulating? Or are you looking for donations? WT…]

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Licence plate: CR8ARUKUS

Seen across the back window of a Re/Max real estate vehicle covered in advertising signage:

“Let me tell you whats’ your home worth”

[Hopefully more than the value of your signwriter’s editing ability.]

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Licence plate: FULLI SIK

[*shiver*]

Rear window decal, which I couldn’t snap because I didn’t have my camera, so I have mocked it up because it’s fanTASTIC:

For those not up on their Aussie bushranger folklore, this is a great twist on what is reported to be Ned Kelly’s last words before he was hung: “such is life.” These Last Words are well known decals (or tattoos) in their own right, making this mutation much more enjoyable.

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I couldn’t describe this, so a photo has to do it justice:

Any ideas?

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Two contributions from my knowing accomplice:

Bumper sticker on a ute: “FUCK OFF BOURBON BOY” (I like it!!)

Bumper sticker: “Good cowgirls keep their calves together” (not sure if on the same vehicle as above)

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Bumper sticker: “If you want to get laid, crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait”

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On an AWD-type vehicle advertising a marketing company for women, and driven by a woman:

Bumper sticker: “Seeking partner. Must have big boat. Send pic of big boat.”

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On a nondescript white stationwagon:

Licence plate: IM EASY

See post below.

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Licence plate:  IMTHESTIG

No, you’re not, and don’t attempt words that need punctuation on a licence plate.

YOURETHEDICKHEAD.  See, it just doesn’t work, does it.

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I’m pleased to welcome a contribution from my husband, getting into the spirit.

Decal on the back window of a Hyundai:

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Window decal, in large letters between the frangipani borders: I WRITE GOOD STORIES

[Where? WTF?]

Licence plate:  MS BA VIN (I know, took me a couple of say-alouds too)

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Bumper sticker:  “Men don’t listen because tits don’t talk”

Sticker on the back window of a ute: “Get in, strip off, lie down and hang on”

(V2 of “Get in, sit down, shut up and hold on”)

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These next two are contributed items from someone who understands my interest in these things and thought he’d share.   Both of them are bumper stickers he saw on vehicles.  Both of them could be considered offensive, so *WARNING IF YOU’RE EASILY OFFENDED!*

When he first told me, it’s true I was taken aback – which usually means they’ve met the ‘but WHY?’ criteria.  I then did some research (ie, Google). Turns out they’re kinda sub-subculture stuff for blokes.  So now I understand it, but I still don’t understand why a bloke wants to put it on his car.  That’s probably because I’m not a bloke.  Here they are:

Bumper sticker: “Up the bum – no babies.”  (Look it up yourself.)

Bumper sticker. “Hot girls don’t poo.” (Ditto.)

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Licence plate:  MYDUNIT

Licence plate:  2 DVS 4U

Licence plate:  X QZ ME

Rear window decal: “I have bad PMT. I have good brakes. You must be feeling lucky today”

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* Further to the ‘But Why?’ comment below, I need to clarify that this is indeed the puzzle for me that I’m sharing with you.

In other words, when I see these stickers or number plates I always think to myself, “someone designed this, printed it, then you paid money for it and wanted to share it with other drivers/people.  Really – really – what were you thinking when you stuck it on/attached it?”  And this can be applied to messages of questionable ‘pride’ and intent, hidden secrets of brand marketing, and downright stupdity.  Only occasionally I see one that is just funny and clever; it’s usually the opposite.

Just thought I’d explain that.

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Bumper sticker: “TUFFIN UP PRINCESS”

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So okay, I’ve been wanting to do this for a while.

I’ve got a thing about vehicle number plates, bumper stickers and window decals because here in Boganville there are rather a lot to take in.  Actually, I take that back.  Boganville seems to be a ‘hotspot’ of what’s happening in Perth and, I suspect, Australia.

While I’ve shared some of these observations before (eg here and here), this page provides ongoing dedicated space for all the popular culture on four wheels – or two, or six, or more – which often amuses and frequently horrifies me, in all its grammatically incorrect glory.

Actually, most of the time I’m just left with the question, But Why?  Guess I’m gettin old.

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Let’s start with these two from the past seven days:

Window decal:  “Saw it, Wanted it, Threw a tantrum, Got it”

Window decal: “Only milk and juice comes in 2 litres”